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Stupidity Jokes
 You're here » Jokes » Stupidity Jokes » Daily Affirmations

Category: Clean Stupidity Jokes
       Clean Christian jokes, funny jokes, free jokes, and clean jokes and humor about the stupid things we say and do and stupid things in life.

 Daily Affirmations 

      - As I let go of my shoulds and feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
      
      - I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
      
      - I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
      
      - I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
      
      - In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
      
      - Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
      
      - My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
      
      - I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.
      
      - I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
      
      - Joan of Arc heard voices too.
      
      - I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
      
      - I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
      
      - As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
      
      - When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
      
      - The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
      
      - As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
      
      - All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.
      
      - I am at one with my duality.
      
      - Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
      
      - I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.
      
      - Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
      
      - Does my quiet self-pity get to me? Yes? Or should I move up to incessant nagging?
      
      - Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
      
      - False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
      
      - A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
      
      - Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
      
      - Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.
      
      - Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
      
      - The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
      
      - I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
      
      - Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step - blaming my parents.
      
      - To understand all is to fear all.
      
      - I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
      
      - The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home.
      
      - My body is a temple. Do you want to come over for midnight mass?
      
      - To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
      
      - I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

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