Category: Clean Stupidity Jokes
Clean Christian jokes, funny jokes, free jokes, and clean jokes and humor about the stupid things we say and do and stupid things in life.
- As I let go of my shoulds and feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
- I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
- I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
- I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
- In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
- Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
- My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
- I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.
- I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
- Joan of Arc heard voices too.
- I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
- I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
- As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
- When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
- The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
- As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
- All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.
- I am at one with my duality.
- Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
- I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.
- Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
- Does my quiet self-pity get to me? Yes? Or should I move up to incessant nagging?
- Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
- False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
- A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
- Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
- Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.
- Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
- The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
- I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
- Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step - blaming my parents.
- To understand all is to fear all.
- I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
- The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home.
- My body is a temple. Do you want to come over for midnight mass?
- To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
- I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
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